Horns of a dilemma

It is probably only the the time, I regret being a male. It is when your significant other dons an expensive outfit and after much preening turns back and asks you "Do I look good in this dress". I have just returned from California. It is important to be politically correct in CA where I could be sued to death for asking any body as to what does your spouse do. Because in CA, the significant other could be a male, female, spouse, live-in partner or in some cases animals and birds too. Suing comes naturally to folks in CA and hence, the Crayola guys carry not one but 4 warnings on their labels; Usage of scissors without adult supervision could lead to serious injuries, Rearrangement of colors in the box could lead to launching of intercontinental ballistic missiles etc.

One of my friend who is really smart says that irrespective of the angle you are facing, you should just reply - "Honey, you look great". I know my friend is smart because he has all his money invested in cash stashed under the matteress. He thinks that Washington Mutual is an accord between Bush, Cheney and folks in middle east to give lots of business to Halliburton and Index is some thing which bring methods to maddness in a book. He also thinks a great lot about SenSex because guys are genetically wired to think about it once every 5 minutes except while they are sleeping when they cannot think about any thing else .

I have tried the answer so many times. It has worked when I was telling the truth. However Radhika has this inbuilt lie detector to figure out when I do not mean it. She then makes me feel worse than Raj Thackeray crying for comely flight attendants.

If I say, no you do not look good then the answer would be " You do not like me in any dress. It has been more than 15 years since you appreciated me". At this point I figure out that it is futile to point out that I have known her only for 13 years. I am also invited to a quick inspection of the closet to show that she has run out of dresses. My theory is that there are small black holes in closets which swallows women clothing. The clothes directly go from well lighted shopping aisles in to this black holes. I am sure because we spend all our week ends buying cloths but the closet always look depleted.

Hence after lots of research and serious thinking, I have figured out the best solution; Go to shops and threaten them with rearranged crayola for discounts or rip open my friends mattress when he is thinking about sensex. This way, I can say " Honey, you look good in this, but you will look much better in the other 50 other new ones I bought for you".