The Axe Effect

If you think this blog is about the job cuts due to recession, you could not be more wrong. It is about growing pains.

It was a huge struggle when I was growing up. Imagine having the same daydream every moment of life – Scores of women chasing me. It is like having a remote with only one channel button. This was an anathema for a guy who changes TV channel every 5 seconds. I am actually waiting for the day when you could flip channels using brain waves. My wife once asked “Why the hell do you change channels every 5 seconds”. My answer was “#%$@ TV, I am not able to get its response time for less than that”. Needless to say she has given up on me.

I am no chick magnet. During college days, I looked like Clark Kent without the broad shoulders, bulging biceps and vulnerable look. Actually the only resemblance was the parted hair and stumbling goofiness. I always walked looking upwards so that a Kryptonite might hit and make me actually look like Clark Kent. There isn’t a Kryptonite which would have transformed me to Superman.

In order to resolve this, I turned to the most trusted source while surfing the TV– Commercial. It was for a deodorant called AXE which showed my day dream in reality. It also fulfilled Radhika’s dream also because the channel remain unchanged for 30 seconds.

It showed hundreds of women running and swimming towards a guy who sprays himself with Axe. Unfortunately for Unilever, perfumes and deodorants make me photo sensitive. Please do not confuse it with Photosynthesis. I do not make my own food. The proof is that I am alive.

In order to find a solution I turned to another trusted source - the Internet. I love the Internet which is filled with helping souls; they are waiting to make me rich by just surfing the net and/or help me last longer. After surfing the net for an hour during which time my net worth remained the same, I bumped in to a solution used by Queens (including Freddie Mercury) and Fashion Divas. I sprayed a mist of AXE and walked through it. My theory of proportional attraction is that if Axe-man can get hundreds to run and swim to him then I should at least get ten. (Note for Radhika: Not that I needed even one also as I have a doting and beautiful wife who also makes delicious food for me by non photo synthetic methods). After that every splash and every thud made me look around and rub my hands with anticipation.

All I got was a wrinkled nose from Radhika, sprained neck and chafed hands.

My wife did a great favor by marrying me. She must have seen an inner person which I did not see at that time – a guy with terrible sense of humor. Through this medium, I am begging her for one more favor; please do not axe me in spite of these blogs.