Current Events: You might be shocked

We had a running joke amongst the students when I was studying at B School. Studying is definitely a overstatement given the courses I had taken; Modern human dilemmas, Movie appreciation. The second one was not a course run by the institute but by us students. The joke was;
Me: I have stopped reading the newspapers these days
Fellow movie goer: Why?
Me: Same headlines
FMG: What?
Me: Times of India (TOI)

As regular readers of this blog would know that I like TOI a lot. Especially the last page where the paper writes about important events in a WAG’s life. I feel sorry for you, if you do not know what WAG stands for. It is Wives and Girl Friends. I always wanted to thank the editor for the uplifting photograph and pieces.

After the last page, I switch over to the middle page which normally gives extremely important life saving details Viz. Studies has shown that Viagra does not affect the eyesight of men. I feel it is total humbug. We men do possess roving eyes and are extremely proud of it. I am sure Viagra will only lead to more roving. As all of you know that Roving is a strenuous physical activity and would only contribute to strength and better eye sight.

I am actually thinking of buying a roving machine for physical training. The thought has not been converted to action because of TV Shopping. I am an avid watcher of TV Shopping channels. Here is another set of people who are interested in your progress by selling:

a. Sauna belts with Magnets: The svelte figured model promises that you can eat all the big macs and samosas and wear this belt. Voila, you will look like a Bipasha Basu look alike soon enough. Bad luck if you are a guy. Given such painless methods to acquire six packs why should I buy a roving machine.

b. Hair grower: This is not the actual name of the product, but I could not think of a better one. It typically shows a morose bald male who finally deduces that women are avoiding him like Swine Flu because he lacks hair. The TV presenter looking at the moroseness of his audiences throws in a Screw Driver set too. The whole deal looks too sweet to be true. The man orders the Hair Grower on the advice of woman who wears a Sauna belt. He goes on to apply the magic lotion on his head. The camera then moves in to future where he is shown with a shock of lush hair on his head. He is also accompanied by a blonde woman who requests him in a husky voice to tighten the screws in her house. Now you know why men like tool sets.

c. Revolutionary seating arrangement: This is an amazing product. The product converts itself in to Sofa, Bed, Yoga mat, Bar and also an F 16. Due to security reasons this product which costs all of 100 dollar is not sold in Taliban infested areas. You get a screw driver set with this too.

My only advice is that; do not indulge in carpentry work while wearing the Magnetic Sauna belt because it might get difficult to pry the bolts loose from it later.

I wrote bolts but wanted to write screws
To avoid the word overuse
Also prevent being misconstrued

PS: The first paragraph on TOI having same headlines is not mine.