Bringing Reality into life

All the bright minds in the media industry are figuring out how to bring more reality in to TV shows. They are trying all kinds of stunts like getting actors to bathe under an artificial water fall or getting participants to bare their souls. The actors are ecstatic for getting a real opportunity to remove body odour through natural means. Baring is extremely important in reality TV. If life imitated art instead of the other way round, then the following could happen.

Every day would start with a heart thumping theme song. The titles would run simultaneously showing not one but scores of directors of your life; boss, spouse, teachers, children and Mother (in-law).

Life would become fairly uncomplicated and full of peace. Whenever my wife asks me to get out plates out for dinner, I uncannily pick up the wrong ones.

"Have you ever seen me put out these plates for guests"

"Er, No"

"Sometimes I wonder whether you live in the same house"

"Hmm"

I would then pick up another set of wrong plates. Life could be less interesting if we are able to cut out the 12 takes it takes me to put out the proper cutlery. The scene would be rewritten

"Wow, the place mats are perfect and the water is filled to the right level"

"Does that mean that I get to hog the TV remote without guilt?" I never miss a chance to cash any brownie points scored.

The possibilities are endless

1. We can have auditions to hire house help
   
2. I can scream "Let us meet on the other side of the commercial break" in case I am on verge of losing an argument which is very often.
   
3. We can get paid for multiple product placements around the house.
   
4. We can get the entire family to vote through SMS or Tweets on "who makes the best bed in the house".
   
5. We can call visits by Mother-in-laws as a wild card entry.
   
6. We can judge each other's chemistry and then blame it on the script
   
7. You can actually have a voice over from the Father when the spouse says that "You sound exactly like your Father "
   
8. We can introduce the guests in the house with flourish and actually get away by saying "The guest tonight is Mr. so and so and he would like to promote the sure shot way to beat the stock markets"
   
9. We can fire lots of complicated questions at the guests without repercussions. I would definitely like to ask "You gave me a PC game for the Birthday. Was it a recycled present?"
   
10. More importantly, you get to change the channels. All fellow males have a gene which makes us flip channels every 15 seconds. Just when the life would get interesting in the history channel when you forgot you spouse' birthday few years back, you can flip to the cooking show.
    

Go ahead and let your imagination rip and send me your possibilities. You and your thought could be featured on Salarymantale.

Also, please get in touch with me in case you would like to illustrate for my blog. It could then become our blog. You can get in touch me on my gmail account – Jaiseeker.

Running Jacks have a podium finish

I live in a very beautiful community called Jacaranda in a large apartment complex - Brigade Millennium. We formed a running team on the fly (with in 24 hours) to take part in the 4 x 5 KM relay race. The race was a mock up to the corporate relay race - Urban Stampede to be held two weeks later.

It was at a resort called Olde which is close to the Bangalore International Airport. The team consisting of Vinayak, Rohan, Subbu and myself assembled on time at 4:25 AM. Since we do every thing in style, we were accompanied by a Manager - Ram Prasad. The only team to do so. We did not equip ourselves with walkies talkies because our Manager pointed out the fate of Hansie Cronje when he used it.

The race was to start at 6 AM and that is what I thought at least. However the way I misread women's emotion, I misread the time too. We left the apartment complex at 4:45 and reached the resort at 5:25 and that is when I realized that the race was at 7 not 6. Thankfully the registration started at 6:15. The race was professionally arranged by Runners for Life, with batons, split timings, water stops etc.

The weather was really nice and the resort looks good. We decided that Subbu will start the race and pass the baton to Vinayak. I will run third and Rohan will anchor the race.We did a recce of the finishing lap before the start of the race.

The race started at 7 past 7. The race was on a pucca road but passing fields and nurseries. An occasional car or bike were the only things to remind us that we were in urban Bangalore. The course went uphill all the way till the U - turn point. It crossed some High Tension wires on the way which were making a constant hiss sound. The way back was down hill and hence easier.

Subbu and our Manager Ram ran with me during my leg. Subbu acted as my pace setter. It was incredible for Ram to do 5K on his first run ever. Way to go.


Subbu : 27:44
Vinayak : 29:48
Jai : 28:17
Rohan : 26:08

At a total timing of 1:51:57 we had a second rank podium finish. We could have done better as Subbu missed the entry to the resort and Rohan missed the return point of the race. The photograph of the proud runners' up with the team Manager

L to R: Subbu, Jai, Rohan, Ram Prasad, Vinayak

As my regular readers know that "Not only - but also combination" is the only grammar rule I know. Here is an example of my grammatical prowess.

Thanks a lot to Subbu who not only drove us all the way but also fed us. I am thankful to Ram who not only looks much younger than his age but also infused infectious enthusiasm in to the team. I should definitely thank cool dudes Rohan and Vinayak who not only helped us to the podium finish but decreased the average team age by 40%. :-)

Desperately seeking

I am desperately seeking illustrators for my blog. If you like my blog, draw well and do not have any hopes of getting paid, you fit like a T to the job description. You might be mildly famous though with around 500 hits on the blog every month. Please get in touch with me at google mail id; jaiseeker.

Living

One of the most influential thought I have ever imbibed is that Life does not have any automatic purpose. One needs to infuse life with purpose. Setting a goal and achieving it, creates a tremendous sense of accomplishment and a mental orgasm. Here is how I achieve it.

Running

All it requires is a pair of shoes and will. The Universe provides for the remaining most important equipment – Earth. I add Music to the list. The possibilities of setting goals in Running are endless; Number of times in a week, Speed, Distance. I took to running by chance. It also started off something I really enjoy – writing. My first blog piece was on Running.

I am currently between jobs. As a long time SalaryMan, I miss being a Corporate Warrior and waging email wars. Running has been one of the corner stone which has allowed me to be happy in a dark period. It not only gives me the Runners' high but also allows me to bask in accomplishments; Running 4 times a week, running long distances (10 to 14 KM) on one weekends. What makes it better is that I run with my dear friends. The oft repeated sentence after each run is "Life does not get better"

I run to achieve two life objectives; Short term goal of running 1000 KM in 2009 and the long term goal of running a Marathon. As a gadget geek, I own Nike Plus which tracks my progress on the life's purpose. Check it out.

Writing

Writing for me is the ultimate journey of discovery of self. Creating a written thought gives me unbelievable pleasure . Writing makes me a creator, albeit for a short period of time. It opens up endless possibilities to surprise myself. It is still astounding that I could write about walking ice trays, naming potholes, Cosmopolitan.

I write to achieve two life objectives; Write a blog post every week in 2009 and write a book and earn lots of money from it. The ultimate token of appreciation of creation is that somebody is willing to exchange hard earned money to read your thoughts.

Reading

Reading is consciously participating in a creation of somebody else. It is a luxury that you can actively take part in any era (past, present or future) or any emotion of the writer's choosing. For me it is like the author has extended a warm welcome in to his private domain of thoughts. It creates a sense of gratitude in me.

I read to achieve two life objectives; Read the complete Harry Potter series to my son and the long term objective is simple – Retain the faculty to read as long as I live.

Thought to complete this blog post – "Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather he must recognize that it is he who is being asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible". This thought is written by Victor Frankl.

Blue to Red

This is to warn that this post is not about Matrix. You will definitely not learn Taekwondo in fifteen seconds. Your life will not be changed by reading this. This is about changing from Blue to Red. I have always been a blue person. I always felt that blue symbolized the corporate cool. It coincided with my personal goal of ending up in the top freezer in the corporate world – The ultimate salary man. Blue was conservative and indicated inner peace, so I thought.

The following anecdote would make it clear. I was married when I relocated to Tokyo in the late nineties. The plan was that I will go first and my wife Radhika would join later (I have been instructed by Radhika to prefix her name by “My wife” to remove any misgivings that she is a living in partner. By the way, the position is till vacant).

She had warned me not to buy things for the house before she comes to Japan. She is definitely not going to miss acting out her child fantasy of playing House. As an obedient spouse, I adhered to her warning. However I bought curtains for the house. I had to. It was not only to protect my modesty but also more importantly to save Japanese lives. I did not want good Japanese folks to die of shock when they saw my nonexistent biceps.

The whole house was barren except for the nice curtains. When Radhika stepped in to the house, I was like the new bride, anxiously waiting for the mother in law’s approval. She looked at the curtains and remarked “Yew! It looks like a hospital”. I took it as a compliment. I was a die-hard blue guy.

However things are changing as I am approaching Forty. I am not talking about receding hair lines and the nubile young ones calling you uncle. I am talking about repressed red desire exploding in to consciousness.

My prized position is a red shirt. It is so Red that my friends want me to forewarn them in case I am wearing it. Some of them have become my followers in Twitter just because of that. The entire gathering looks like Matrix, wearing glares. Unlike me they still have not swallowed Red pill – Poor blue uncles.

Post dated wish

We all have post dated wishes. If you are thinking “I do not have one”, you might be right. I mentioned “We” the way royalty of yore used to address themselves in plural, like “We will partake the food, take some rest and hunt some wild animals”. In order to placate Mehr-un-Nisaa (Nur Jehan, for those who slept through their history class), Jehangir addressed himself once in Singular “I”. If Jehangirnama had foot notes it would have read – The empress was unhappy that the emperor failed for the umpteenth time to get the plumber and fix the leaky faucet.

I am always on the placation mode with Radhika. Not only I fail to fluff the pillows but also fail to make the bed properly without wrinkles, keep the shoes back in the rack, reply to her in full sentences instead of monosyllables, give food to the guests before partaking it myself, making comments on prime time Hindi Soap operas, etcetera.

I have two post dated wishes. One, to get an appreciable nod from Radhika for making the bed and the other is to drink a chilled glass of beer. You might wonder that, why drinking chilled beer is a post dated wish. It is because that I have resolved to imbibe alcohol only after getting a job. I have kept up my spirits mostly by running long distances, pumping iron, reading and writing. Of all these, only pumping iron is the new activity. It has lead to stronger teeth (Read about in Gym Capers).

I never knew that strength training is not only strenuous but also an expensive affair. In order to measure the progress of my gym exploits, I bought a measuring tape.

I read in a Men’s magazine getting your spouse to measure the biceps is a good start for a seduction routine. Hence, I requested Radhika to do the honors. Predictably I had her rolling on the floor. Unfortunately it was with laughter. All she could manage between gasps of laughter was “What biceps”.

The tape did not show any improvements and I had to order scientific instruments which were sensitive enough to measure changes in microns. It set me back by few thousands. All I could say to Radhika is “Wait for another 10 years and we can measure by tape”.

Pumping iron has also made my orientation circumspect. I walk up to complete strangers touch their arms and exclaim “Man, awesome biceps”. I am glad that all their partners can do now is wring their hands. They would have filed a formal complaint of harassment earlier. I am glad for the Delhi High court judgment on same gender relationships to keep me out of custody.

So readers make my wish come true. I promise not to touch your arms in public and will eat the food only after you have partaken yours. I will even share the beer with you.